just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
