There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
