when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
