tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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