Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
