Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
