and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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