M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
