That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
