I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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