My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
