we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
