that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
