its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
