I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
