so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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