it was like his penis was on wheels.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
