You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
