not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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