Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
