i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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