My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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