Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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