Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
