Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
