No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
