grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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