so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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