No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
