You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
