see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
