According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.