ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Who died my cat blue again?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers