We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
