Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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