i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
