Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
