I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
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Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
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I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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