3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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