I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
