My hand turned me down
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
