Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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