I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
