There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
