OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
