Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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