Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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