is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
