3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize