"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
