Already got asked if we're dating
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
