1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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