your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
