So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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