fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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