I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
