First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
