The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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