So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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