Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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