If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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