Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
