I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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