I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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