this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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