Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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