Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
