put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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