so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
