Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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