After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
