WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
