I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
