i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
