Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
