he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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